Draco's Immortal
by Ebony Dark'ness
Summary: My Immortal by XXXbloodyrists666XXX written in Draco's perspective. In this, Draco is half-way in character. Rated M for thingies and you-know-whats...lots of them.
1. Chapter 1

Hi my name is Draco Malfoy and I used to have platinum blond hair. Some girl named Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way used the colour-changing charm on it so now it's black. I have icy grey eyes which she describes irritatingly as resembling limpid tears. Ebony changed me into a vampire but my teeth are still straight and white. I still have pale white skin, which is a rare feature that hasn't been distorted by the OOC-ness in this story. I'm also a wizard, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year. I'm seventeen. My school used to be in Scotland but this Ebony lifted it up and put it somewhere else on the map.

That Ebony girl turned me into a goth, in case you couldn't tell, and I am forced to wear mostly black. I am also obligated to buy all my clothes from Hot Topic, despite the dress code I have to follow at school. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which Ebony was squealing happily about. A lot of preps stared at her. She put up her middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" I shouted. She looked up.

"What's up Draco?" she asked.

"Nothing." I said shyly.

But then, her friends called her and she had to go away. Finally! Freedom!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. I have a dorm room but Ebony won't let me sleep there anymore. It was snowing and raining again - a weather phenomenon that is only possible in her world. I got out of my coffin and took off my pyjamas. I have a bed, but you know the drill. Instead, I put on some black clothes. I went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. I met Ebony and Willow there and I walked up to them.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." she replied flirtingly.

"Guess what." I said.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." I told her. I hate that muggle band, but Ebony keeps forcing the music she favours through my ears and I had to comply with her orders.

"Oh. My. God!" she screamed.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" I asked. Sarcastically.

She gasped.

On the night of the concert I felt a little depressed that some idiot girl put such a degrading spell on me. A razor blade came floating in the air and it slit one of my wrists. I was force-read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I was forced to listen to some GC. I was ready to go to the concert so I could get it over with. I went outside and waited for Ebony in front of the flying car she provided me with.

"Hi Draco!" she said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." I said back. We walked into my flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666...again, I have no choice) and flew to the place with the concert, despite me never earning my driver's licence or ever taking a lesson. Only muggles use this tin can to get around! On the way I had to listen uninterestedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. She stuffed my mouth with both cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. She dragged me into the mosh pit at the front of the stage and I bounced up and down as I drowned in that god-awful noise that is Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood. They're all so happy you've arrived. The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom. She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Joel is so hot." she said to me, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his deafening voice. Oh. My. Goodness. I cannot stand that noise anymore! I must vomit!

"What's wrong?" she asked as we moshed to the music. There was a pause. "Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" she said.

"Really?" I asked nauseously and I put my arm around her because I felt like choking her.

"Really." she said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary Duff. I hate that little bitch." she said disgustedly.

The night went on horribly, and I had a terrible time. But Ebony didn't know my pain. After the concert, I drank some beer to escape from this mess and she made Benji and Joel sign my not-so-precious Simple Plan t-shirt. Playing along was a good strategy! They took photos of us with them - the variety that doesn't move. You know, the dreaded muggle kind. She bought a truckload of GC concert tees under the impression that I had any interest in getting caught with any of them on my back. Ebony and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but I didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead I drove the car into…the Forbidden Forest!

"DRACO!" she shouted. "What do you think you are doing?"

I didn't answer but I stopped the flying car and I walked out of it. She walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the hell?" she asked angrily.

"Ebony?" I asked.

"What?" she snapped.

Suddenly she leaned in extra-close and she looked into my gothic red eyes (I have no choice, dear matey) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness reflecting the fact that I was about to kill her. She didn't feel mad anymore, for some twisted reason.

And then…suddenly she smashed her lips onto mine oh-so-unexpectedly. I climbed on top of her to crush her but she held onto me keenly against a tree. I took off her top and she took off my clothes. She even took of her bra. Then I put my thingie (i.e. dagger) into her you-know-what (i.e. chest) and we did it (i.e. tried to kill her) for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " she screamed. Surprisingly, she was beginning to get an orgasm. She started to peck me (ARGH!!!) everywhere and her pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was…Dumbledore!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Some imposer acting as Dumbledore**__** made Ebony and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.**_

"_**You ludacris fools!" he shouted.**_

_**Ebony started to cry tears of blood down her pallid face. Not trying to be a jerk, I comforted her. When we went back to the castle the Poser Dumbledore took us to Headmaster Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.**_

"_**They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. No, we were not! I would never, ever consent to it.**_

"_**Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.**_

"_**How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.**_

_**And then I shrieked just for the sake of letting her off the hook. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"**_

_**Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." What a relief.**_

_**Ebony followed me upstairs while the teachers glared at us. For some reason I don't think she is a Slytherin like she says she is. Our dorms are in the dungeon.**_

"_**Are you okay, Ebony?" I asked her. I cannot believe I am acting like I actually care about her.**_

"_**Yeah I guess." she muttered. She went to the girl's dorm while I nearly fell asleep at the entrance of the bathrooms. She came back, wearing a dress. It seems as if she is going to sleep in that. Well, whatever, it's her choice. I decided to sing one of the songs I heard at the concert today. I did it to mock the band. She misinterpreted my joke and came up, smothered me in her arms, and put her lips on mine. She said goodnight and I stumbled off as I went downstairs. She had probably mistaken that as reluctant. Yay for bedtime!**_

_**The next day I woke up in my coffin and went down to the Great Hall. I didn't sleep well, so I rested my head on a table. I spied Ebony, with her purple hair, devouring a bowl and a glass of red stuff. Straight food colouring, maybe. She reeked of aerosol spray paint. I could smell it even though she was a few tables away. Suddenly that detestable Potter bumped into her. All the blood spilled over her top. I suppressed a sneer.**_

"_**Bastard!" she shouted angrily and looked up. Potter was clad in clothes and make-up just as muggle and as silly as hers. Strange thing was, he wasn't wearing glasses anymore. Ebony flushed pink as she saw him.**_

"_**I'm so sorry." Potter said in a shy voice.**_

"_**That's all right. What's your name?" she questioned.**_

"_**My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. What? Potter has a new nickname?**_

"_**Why?" she exclaimed.**_

"_**Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. I actually don't mind him sucking life from some muggles.**_

"_**Well, I am a vampire." she confessed.**_

"_**Really?" he whimpered.**_

"_**Yeah." she roared.**_

_**They sat down to talk for a while. I had an idea: to lure her into a room and kill her. I walked up behind her and told her I had a surprise for her so she fell into my trap went away with me.**_

_**Ebony gripped my hand tightly and smudged her black nail polish all over my hand. She waved to Potter, who looked more miserable than I've ever seen him. There was no need to drag her; she was running along with me. I locked her in an empty room with me. There was a bed, so she may think I am up to something else. Something she would**_** desire.**

**Then…she slid her tongue into my mouth. Disgusting! She took off her clothes and mine, too. She willingly laid down on the bed. I wanted to retrieve my dagger from my pants, but I couldn't, as she was gripping onto me so hard.**

"**Oh Draco, Draco!" she screamed while getting an orgasm. All of a sudden she eyed my Dark Mark. What I didn't know was that when she turned me into a vampire, I had the indication tattooed beneath the proof of my loyalty to the Dark Lord. **

"**You bastard!" she shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. Great! My plan had worked in some way.**

"**No! No! But you don't understand!" I pleaded. even I didn't understand what this was about.**

"**No, you idiot!" she shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" What the heck is AIDs? Is that something muggle-related?**

**She put on her clothes all huffily and then stomped out. I ran out even though I was naked, too angry to care about embarrassment. I had a really big you-know-what (i.e. dagger). She stomped out and did so until she was in the classroom Potter was in. Professor Snape was giving the class a lesson.**

"**VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" she yelled.**


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone in the class stared at Ebony. I came into the room even though I was naked and I thought of a reply that would make her come back to me so I could kill her.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" I screamed, pretending to be sad.

That mud blood Hermione Granger, who referred to herself as B'loody Mary Smith now, smiled at Ebony. She flipped her long waist-length black hair. She had "dyed" it, whatever that means. I'm sure, however, that it is some sort of a muggle version of the colour-changing charm. She opened her crimson eyes, which she was wearing contact lenses on--another colour-changing method muggles utilize. She had pale white skin courtesy of the muggle invention "make-up."

I had heard Hermione telling Ebony that she was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents, as she described them, are vampires and one of them is a witch but, according to her, Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She says she still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. Somehow she found out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. She has also apparently converted to Satanism and has moved from Gryffindor to Slytherin. I do not believe it, as Slytherin does not welcome mud bloods and nobody is entitled to switch houses.

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape's demeanour was angry in his cold voice.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" she shouted at him. Everyone gasped.

So, she _is_ going out with Potter, not me! But wait, Potter was never involved with me as any kind of companion! Don't even mention it. I don't know what made Ebony think I had any interest in him. He seemed to like Britney, a stupid airhead.

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Potter.

"Yeah right! *beep* off, you bastard!" she screamed and ran out of the room, heading towards the Forbidden forest, bursting into tears. I tailed her. She leaned against the tree where I tried to kill her. Suddenly, a man with red eyes, no nose and black clothing started flying towards her on a broomstick. He resembled Voldemort, but I knew it was either Crabbe or Goyle on Polyjuice potion disguising themselves as the Dark Lord.

"No!" she shouted in a scared voice but then the imposer Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and she couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" she shouted at him. Imposer Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. She then stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" Hmm, Crabbe/Goyle has apparently read too much Shakespeare (a muggle playwright from the renaissance, if you didn't know) lately.

"No, Voldemort!" she shouted back.

Imposer Voldemort gave her a gun. "No! Please!" she begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" Nice one, oaf. Nice attempt at betraying me.

"How did you know?" she asked in a surprised way.

Imposer Voldemort shot her a deserving dude-you-are-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I thought that was a good time to come and intervene. I ambled towards her.

"Draco!" she said. "Hi!"

"Hi." I said back. She stared at the pancake makeup she bombarded my face with.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"No." I answered, because of you.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." she expelled.

"That's okay." I said, disgusted she would ever interpret my behaviour towards her as attraction. I tried to flee to Hogwarts but she tried to suck my face the entire way. She asked me to come to rehearsals with her band Bloody Gothic Rose 666, but I told her I was depressed and I wanted to slit my wrists. In reality, I just went away to congratulate Crabbe and Goyle for doing a good job impersonating Dumbledore and Voldemort. I ordered Crabbe to continue pretending to be Dumbledore. Goyle was to be Lupin, and I prepared myself to be transformed into Snape.

I listened to the band's silly performance through a wall. Then, I overheard Ebony reminiscing the words of Goyle's character Voldemort.

"Well, Voldemort came and told me to kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will kill Draco!" She burst into tears. Suddenly I jumped out from behind the wall.

"Why didn't you tell me!" I shouted. "How could you- you- you poser muggle bitch!" Yes, I finally got that out of me!

She started to cry and cry. Trying to be sympathetic, I started to cry too all sensitive. Then I ran out. I could hear the band continue to jam. I ordered Crabbe, as Dumbledore, to walk in angrily with his eyes were all fiery. Ebony somehow had the idea that last time it was because he had a headache, but this time she didn't think so.

"What have you done!" imposer Dumbledore started to weep in a manner full of wisdom…however that may be done. "Ebony, Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."


	4. Chapter 4

"NO!" Ebony screamed. I observed her under Potter's invisibility cloak, which I snatched from him. She was horrified! Granger tried to comfort her but Ebony told her go away and she ran to her room crying herself. Imposer Dumbledore chased after her shouting but he had to stop when she went into her room. She called him a pervert.

I stood outside Ebony's window and observed her crying tears of blood and slitting both of her wrists. Crabbe had provided me with a muggle device called a video camera. I did not have the skills to operate it, and even if I did, it would be useless because magic stops muggle technology from functioning at Hogwarts. Pieces of her wrists got all over her clothes so she took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while she put on a Linkin Park song, which I hated, at full volume. She grabbed a steak--well done or rare, I could not tell--and almost stuck it into her heart to commit suicide. She got out of the bathtub and put on a dress, high heel shoes, and ear jewellery. She looked out the window and screamed…I was spying on her, holding a camera! And Goyle, in the body of "Loopin" (that's how he spelled it on his name tag), was masticating (i.e. chewing)! We were sitting on our broomsticks.

"Ew, you pervs, stop looking at me naked! Are you pedos or what!" she screamed, putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason (whoever that may be. It's not Marilyn Manson, the muggle musician, though) on it over her dress. Suddenly Potter ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Goyle and I, pointing his womb. Where he had acquired this feminine part of anatomy, I have no idea. Ebony took her gun, which didn't work, and tried to shoot us a gazillion times. Goyle started screaming and my camera broke. Suddenly, Crabbe, in Dumbledore's body, ran in.

"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NO!" he shouted, looking at Crabbe and I. Then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid, who used to be called Hagrid, ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" Ebony yelled.

"I may be a Hogwarts student…." Hargrid paused angrily. "But I am also a Satanist!"

"This cannot be." I said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from my hand where Crabbe's wand had shot me. "There must be other factors."

"You don't have any!" she yelled in madly.

Goyle held up the camera like a triumphant elephant. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" Oh my goodness, Goyle knows how to operate this muggle device!

"Why are you doing this?" Goyle said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his cloak.

"Because…because…" Hargrid said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent, a muggle rapper.

"Because you're gothic?" I asked in a little voice, having no idea why everyone is spewing such random words.

"Because I love her!" yelled Hargrid. Once again, I am off the hook.

Anyway Ebony was in the school nurse's office now recovering from her slit wrists. Goyle and I, who appeared as Loopin and Snape, were there. Hahrid, who has apparently went under another name change, was there too. Ebony told us we were going to St. Mango's Land of Sainted Fruits after we recovered because we were pedophiles, as Ebony noted, and she doesn't want such people teaching in a school that has "lots of hot girls." Crabbe, as Dumbledore, said the "cideo camera" was constipated. Ebony put up her middle finger at us.

Anyway Hargrid came into her hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell you something." he said in a very serious voice, giving her the roses. Who is Enoby? I know of an Ebony but no Enoby.

"Go away." she told him. "You know I hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like preps like you." she snapped.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goths too you poser prep?" she asked angrily.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily.

"No you didn't I replied. You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being viewed by Snap and Loopin." I had impersonated Snape, not that little guy on the cereal box!

"Who _mastabated_ to it," Hargrid mouthed silently.

"Whatever!" she yelled angrily.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered, "well If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say!"

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." she corrected him.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!" And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black, by the way.

"OK I believe you now what the f--k is Drako?" I have no idea; my name is Draco.

Hairgrid (yet another name change) rolled his eyes. She looked into the balls of flame.

"You see, Enobby," (who's that?) Dumblydore (who's that?) said, watching the two of them watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes--"

A disembodied voice yells, "haha, you reviewers' flames, get it?"

"--u mst find urslf 1st, k?" I'm surprised at this Dumblydore's inability to pronounce vowels.

"I have found myself ok you mean old man!" Hargrid yelled. Dumbledore looked shocked.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway I went into McGonagall's classroom and told her I was there to teach Hair of Magical Magic Creatures class with her. Ebony arrived in the classroom.

"Hi." Potter said to Ebony in a depressed way.

"Hi back." Ebony said in an equally said way. They both looked at each other for some time. Then…they jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

"Stop it now you horny simpletons!" shouted Professor McGoggle (what McGonagall calls herself when she puts her goggles on) who was watching them and so was everyone else.

"Vampire!" she said, slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" she shouted and then she ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! No! My scar hurts!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites, which would be quite accurately described as "pinks."

"NO!" she ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" she shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. Diabolo, the muggle juggling toy? "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…Volfemort has him bondage!" Who is Volfemort?


	5. Chapter 5

Potter and Ebony ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. I could hear their yells.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" they both yelled. Crabbe, in Dumbledore's body, came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" they shouted at the same time. No, you said Volfemort had him!

Dumbledore laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" they begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony. Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then I heard his footsteps as he walked away. Potter started crying.

"My Draco!" he moaned.

"Its okay!" she tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry, likely tears of blood.

"I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" she asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…suddenly they were in Voldemprt's lair, which was actually Goyle's secret cave. My time for being Snape was up. I was in my own body as I teleported myself to Goyle's cave. Right after that, the two poofed themselves there. I hid behind a rock.

They ran in with their wands out just as Goyle, in Voldemort's voice, crooned. "Allah Kedavra!" Hmm, Frank Sinatra seems to be an influence.

Warning: the combined total of "dis chapta" is "xtremly scray." "Viower"'s piss and shit is "advisd."

Potter and Ebony ran to where Volcemort, yet another one of the Dark Lord's clones, was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. My eyes were bleeding. Snaketail, a cousin of Wormtail, crept out and was torturing me. Potter and Ebony ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as Ebony started shooting him with her gun. Then suddenly he looked at her and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme. I'm sixteen." he said. Firstly, what a long word. I've never heard of it. What does it mean? Second of all, you are not sixteen. You are about the same age as the Marauders.

"Huh?" she asked.

"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. She started laughing crudely.

"What the? You torture my boyfriend and then you expect me to f--k you? God, you are so messed up, you bastard." she said angrily. Then she stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"No!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. She burst into tears sadly.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Goyle, acting as Voldemort. Then…he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So, the two got on their broomsticks and they flew to Hogwarts. They brought me along. We went to her room. Potter went away. There she started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" I asked in a faux-concerned manner as she took off my clothes. I had a sex-pack and a really huge you-know-what (i.e. dagger) and everything waiting to slaughter her.

"Its so unfair!" she yielded herself to murder. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all the other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such sluts." I answered, trying to seduce her in order for her to get closer to me.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" she shouted angrily. "I'm good at too many things! Why can't I just be normal? It's a curse!" she shouted and then she ran away. Dang, I could have killed her if she had shut up and lay there still.


	6. Chapter 6

"Ebony, Ebony!" I shouted. "No, please come back!"

"Whatever! Now you can go and have sex with Vampire!" she shouted. She stormed into her room and closed her black door with her blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. I went to Biology class, which was not a class offered at Hogwarts, but since Ebony arrived, it has been. The teacher was "Loopin," or Goyle on polygenic, as the real Loopin had been fired at the end of my third year for being a werewolf. When I arrived I turned myself into a bloody pentagram and waited for Ebony to arrive so I could kill her somehow. When she did arrive, I turned myself into a black guitar. She thought erroneously that she did the trick.

"Enoby I love you!" I shouted. I guess I could start referring to her with her many nicknames. "I don't care what those preps and posers think. You are most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just want to be with you. I love you!" Of course, it was all fake. Then…I started to sing "The Chronicles of Life and Death" to flatter her even more so she would come with me. I sang it right in front of the entire class! But somehow, even I thought my singing voice was like a cross between Gerard Way, Joel Madden, Chester Bennington, Pierre Bouvier and Marilyn Manson.

"OMFG." she said after I was finished. Some preps stared at us but she just stuck up her middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with mine now) at them. "I love you!" she said and she kissed me (ugh) in a manner that resembled a scene starring Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray in the muggle movie _A Cinderella Story_. Then we went away. She was holding my hand. Goyle shouted at us but he stopped because everyone was clapping for some reason unknown to me. Then she saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmeade right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went together. In mid-step, she changed her mind.

"WTF, Draco, I'm not going to a concert with you!" she shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR and you know how much I like them."

"What cause we…you know…" I fidgeted uncomfortably because guys like me don't like to talk about you-know-what (i.e. killing).

"Yeah cause we you know!" she yielded in an angry voice. I think she was referring to having sex.

"We won't do that again." I promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/are you giving into the mainstream?" she asked, giving me a choice in what to interpret what she had said. I have no idea how the two options would sound the same even to a foreigner. "So I guess you are a prep or a Christina or what now?" What does it mean to be a "Christina?" Like Christina Aguilera, a prep? Or do you mean "Christian?"

"NO." I muttered loudly.

"Are you becoming a prep or what?" she shooted angrily. I'm not sure whether she means "shouted" or "shot." maybe it's a portmanteau.

"Enoby! I'm not! Please come with me!" I fell down to my knees and started singing 'The World is Black' by GC to her. She was flattened when a bulletin board fell on her. Now she's five feet tall, a foot wide, and half and inch thick, because that's not even a single. I had memorized the lyrics from being forced to listen to it so often!

"OK then I guess I will have to." she said and then she pressed her lips onto mine, her tongue in my mouth. She went up to her room to meet with Granger. I made my way to the concert venue.

Well anyway I came to the concert with Weasley, who was now referring to himself as diabolo, a muggle juggling toy. The makeup he caked his face in made him resemble Marylin Manson. B'loody Mart (This is a place where you buy blood, for all of you who are deficient.) was going to the concert with Neville Longbottom, who is renamed Dracola, Navel or Dracula. Take your pick. Again, Ebony took her wand and changed his past so it involves this: he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed (their hair?) in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. However, I do not believe that blood traitor has transferred to Slytherin.

We all went into the Mercy-Bens car that Ebony provided me with, even though she said it was a gift from somebody named Lucian. She claimed that this Lucian was my dad, but that it not true. Firstly, his name is Lucius. Secondly, he would never touch any muggle necessities. Like last time, Ebony forced pots, coke, and crak (whatever that is) into our mouths. Her lips also flew onto mine for the umpteenth time. She expressed her condemnation of preps. When we got there, she gapsed because of sexual reasons from laying eyes on the lead singer, Gerard Way.

Gerard had long raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. He was really skinny and he had an amazing ethnic voice. Which ethnicity was referred to, Ebony did not specify. The concertgoers moshed to Helena and some other songs. Suddenly imposer Gerard pulled of his mask. So did the other members. She gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was Goyle in Voldemort's body, and the rest were the "Death Deelers," as the banner announced...everyone ran away but Ebony and I. I stayed because I knew who the guys on stage were; Ebony stayed because she was clinging on to me.

"You moronic idiots!" Goyle shouted and shot us in an angst-filled manner. "Enoby, I told you to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now…I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No, no please!" she begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Suddenly a gothic old man infected with influenza flew in on his broomstick. He had black hair that was in the shape of a lung, and his looooong burnt loaf of bread was looooong. He was wearing a black robe that said 'avril lavigne' (muggle musician which Ebony labels as poser, in case you didn't know) on the back. He fired out a spell from his wand and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up the next day in my coffin. The night before Ebony and I rented back a skull. Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew to the skull on our brooms. She went to her room and I tried to you-know-what (i.e. kill her) to a Linkin Park song.

Well anyway I went down to the Cheese Grater Hall. There, all the walls were painted black and the tables were black too. But you could see that there were pink pants underneath the black pants. There were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys (Muggles, dear) who were performing sermons promoting worship of those musicians.

"WTF!" Ebony shouted, going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. I sat down at the same time Potter and Longbottom did. They started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong, which I had no interest in whatsoever. The other boys joined in cause they were bisexual.

"Those guys are so hot." Longbottom was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had used gliding ballet steps to chase away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and his black hare was dead.

"…DUMBLEDORE question mark one!" they all gasped.

"WTF?" Ebony shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As you can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do you fink about it?"

Everyone from Gryiffindoor (I don't remember a house with that name at Hogwarts) started to cheer. Well everyone except me at our table just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. Ebony and company couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a poser!" I shouted angrily as we to Transfomation, a new class that was added because Ebony was here. She held my hand. Potter looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way but I didn't say anything.

"I bet he's having a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. Ebony was so angry.

All day we sat angrily informing others about Dumbelldore. We were so pissed off. Well, there was one thing to get us out of here - the MCR concert. Our phone call would come later so we could all go. Anyway, Ebony and I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. I was being all secretive about my plan to get rid of her. She asked what it was and I got all mad at her and started crying all hot and angsty.

"No one understands me!1" I shouted angrily as my black hare jumped in my big blue eyes. Apparently Billie Joe had the same thing happening to him in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. My apparel somehow included a black die - you know, the cube things you roll.

"Accuse me? What about me!" she growled. Fine, I'll accuse you of following me around like a lap dog.

"Buy-but-but-" I grunted. I thought I would get her to buy a gun to rid herself, but I changed my mind.

"You bastard!" she moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it looks like!" I shouted. But it was to late to tell her to kill herself. She ran to the bathroom angrily, crying. I banged on the door. She whipped with a whip and whepped with a whep (whatever that is) as her bloody eyeliner streamed down her cheeks and made cool tears down her fecal matter like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois. She took out a cigarette end and started to smoke pot. I don't know much about muggle drugs, but don't cigarettes contain tobacco, not cannabis? Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.

"You gave me a shock!" she shouted angrily, dropping her pot. "WTF do you think you're doing in the girl's room?" Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second she wanted it to be Tom Rid or maybe me but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wannabe-goffik purse. "What are you wearing to the concert?"

"You know who MCR are!" I gasped.

"No, I just saw there was a concert that a lot of goths and punks were going to." He said. I whispered to him that I have a surprise for her. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for you."


End file.
